The Scene

​

Jake slams the tailgate harder than he means to.

​

It doesn’t help.

The sound echoes into the quiet, and now a few heads are turning in the parking lot. One guy stares too long. Jake locks eyes with him until he looks away.

​

It started with a text from his manager:

"Need you to stay a couple extra hours tonight. We’re behind on install. Sorry, not optional."

 

No request.

No apology that meant anything.

Just the assumption that Jake would drop everything...again.

 

He told himself he wasn’t going to react.

But now he’s gripping the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

 

His heart is thudding.

His face is hot.

 

And his thoughts are spitting out sharp:

 

"They think I’ll take whatever they throw at me."
"I get no respect."
"I swear, if he talks to me like that again, I’ll let him have it."

 

He isn’t yelling.

He hasn’t thrown anything.

But it’s not calm, either.

It’s a storm behind his ribs.

 

And like a storm, it wants to roll forward and break something.

 

Let’s walk through CLEAR.

 

 

 

The Claim

 

Anger is loud.

 

But beneath the noise, there’s always a sentence it’s trying to shout.

 

Jake’s thoughts race.

His jaw is set.

But what’s actually fueling the anger?

 

The clearest thought behind it all is:

"They don’t respect me."

​

It’s a sentence many men have felt deep in their gut.

And when anger grabs that line and runs with it, it can drive all kinds of reactions:

yelling, shutting down, planning revenge, proving a point.

 

But before any of that, it helps to ask:

Is that claim true?

Or is it shaped by distortion?

​

​

​

The Lie

​

Jake’s thought carries several distortions we covered in Fog on the Path:

​

​

Mind-Reading

He’s assuming he knows what his manager thinks of him.

But there’s no evidence the request was meant as an insult.

 

It might have been rushed.

It might have been careless.

But jumping to "they don’t respect me" is a guess—not a fact.

 

 

Labeling

From one demanding text, Jake labels the entire relationship as disrespectful.

This is how anger works.

It boils everything down into a single, harsh judgment.

And that judgment blocks clarity.

 

 

All-or-Nothing Thinking

The thought treats respect like it’s either fully present or totally gone.

But respect isn’t binary.

​

Maybe his manager is under pressure too.

Maybe this moment is unfair, without the whole system being against him.

 

Without checking those distortions, Jake’s thought will feel like gospel.

 

But anger can’t be your compass.

You need a better read.

 

 

 

The Evidence

​

Let’s slow it down.

​

Jake's frustration is understandable. But what’s the full picture?

• This isn’t the first time his manager has texted something like this...but it also isn’t every day.

• Last week, the same manager thanked him for pulling weight when someone called out.

• Jake’s work is solid. He knows it. And so do others. He’s not being walked on...even if today’s message felt like it.

• No one mocked him. No one insulted him. What happened was pressure, not malice.

 

The truth:

Jake is tired.

He wants fairness.

That matters.

But the evidence doesn’t fully back the claim that there’s no respect.

 

 

 

The Alternative

​

The first thought: "They don’t respect me."

​

A more accurate thought?

​

"I felt overlooked, and I want to be treated like I matter. But blowing up won’t get me that."

Or:

"This was handled poorly. I can speak up with strength without trying to destroy anything."

 

That’s the turn.

 

Not toward weakness.

But toward Wisdom.

​

​

​

The Role of Reason

 

Reason doesn’t deny anger.

It just doesn’t let anger speak last.

 

Jake still feels the heat.

But he makes a plan:

• He finishes the day’s work.

• He schedules time to talk with his manager when he’s calm.

• He speaks clearly, directly, with no edge in his voice.

 

That’s how a man earns respect...and keeps his own.

 

Not by exploding.

But by standing tall.

 

 

 

 

 

Another Face of Anger

 

Anger doesn’t always come from pressure.

Sometimes it comes from pain.

 

 

 

The Scene

​

Andre sees the photo in a group text.

​

It’s a bunch of guys from work grabbing drinks after clocking out.

Smiling.

Relaxed.

 

He scrolls.

He wasn’t invited.

And this isn't the first time either.

​

His first thought is:

"What? Am I a joke to them?"

​

His chest tightens.

Then comes the anger.

Maybe they never liked him.

Maybe he needs to cut ties.

Maybe next time they ask for a favor, he gives them what they gave him: nothing.

​

​

​

The Claim

​

The thought that hits hardest:

"They don’t actually want me around."

​

But is that true?

 

 

 

The Lie

​

Andre’s thought has fog in it too:

​

​

Fortune-Telling + Mind-Reading

He assumes the worst about their motives and intentions.

But he doesn’t know why he wasn’t included.

 

Could be chance.

Could be habit.

Could be a simple miss.

 

 

Personalization

He makes the situation about him: his worth, his place, his status...even though it might have had nothing to do with that.

 

 

Labeling

He labels himself as unwanted, and maybe them as fake or two-faced.

 

That feels simpler.

Anger loves simple roles: victim and villain.

 

But it’s not that simple.

 

 

 

The Evidence

​

• Andre’s coworkers have asked him to lunch before. A few of them thanked him last week for covering a shift swap.

• He’s not excluded every time.

• They didn’t say anything mean. Just... didn’t invite him this time.

 

The evidence doesn’t erase the hurt.

But it gives a more balanced view.

 

 

 

The Alternative

​

Instead of "They don’t want me around," a better line might be:

​

"I felt left out, and that stings. But it doesn’t mean I’m unwanted or unloved."

Or:

"I’m angry because I care. That’s okay. I can choose what to do next with a clear head."

​

​

​

The Role of Reason

​

Andre doesn’t text anything snide.

He doesn’t isolate himself, or burn bridges.

 

He remembers that real belonging can’t be demanded.

It has to be built.

 

So he stays kind.

Firm.

Present.

 

He keeps being the kind of man people should include.

And trusts that the rest will work itself out.

 

 

 

Final Reflection

​

Anger is a flash of heat.

But you don’t have to let it burn your future.

 

There is a path through it.

 

Not by pretending it’s not there.

But by walking forward anyway.

 

With strength.

With clarity.

With Reason.

​

​

​

​