CLEARing Disappointment

The Scene

​

Logan shuts the email and stares at the wall.

 

It was the third time he’d applied.

He thought this was the one.

A promotion, or at least a transfer out of the role he’d been stuck in for years.

 

He gave it his best shot.

He asked around.

Polished the interview.

Waited.

 

And once again: "We’ve selected another candidate."

 

He doesn’t say anything.

 

But he feels it.

A tightness in his chest.

A slow-building pressure behind the eyes.

 

Thoughts that buzz and sink at the same time:

"I really thought this time was different."
"It’s always someone else."
"I don’t know why I bother."

​

Disappointment doesn’t explode like anger.

It seeps.

It deflates.

 

But it can still knock a man down.

 

Let’s walk through CLEAR.

 

 

 

The Claim

 

At the heart of Logan’s disappointment is a sentence:

 

"No matter how hard I try, it won’t change anything."

​

That’s the pain talking.

​

But it feels like truth.

And if left unchallenged, it can lead to hopelessness, passivity, or even bitterness. That’s why we don’t stop at what feels true.

 

We examine it.

 

 

 

The Lie

 

Logan’s thought contains several distortions:

 

 

All-or-Nothing Thinking

​If one path didn’t open, it doesn’t mean no effort ever pays off. But in the moment, it feels like everything failed.

​

​

Fortune-Telling

"It won’t change anything" is a prediction. But Logan doesn’t know the future. Assuming a permanent pattern from a temporary setback blocks growth.

​

​

Filtering

Logan overlooks the progress he has made: learning how to interview better, gaining respect, and even being considered.

​

None of that is nothing.

Disappointment warps perception.
But Reason can realign it.

​

​

 

The Evidence

 

Logan has been overlooked.

 

He did want this badly.

 

But:

• This wasn’t a rejection of him as a person.

• He was shortlisted. That’s further than last time.

• Colleagues have praised his work recently. He’s earning a reputation.

• His application materials were stronger than before. That’s growth.

 

The evidence doesn’t erase the loss.
But it shows a bigger picture.

 

 

 

The Alternative

​

Instead of: "No matter how hard I try, it won’t change anything,"

A more honest reflection might be:

​

"This one hurt. But I’m stronger than I was last time. And I’m not done yet."

Or:

"Trying didn’t get me this result, but it’s getting me somewhere. I won’t stop now."

​

Disappointment can end a chapter.

​

It doesn’t have to end the story.

 

 

 

The Role of Reason

 

Reason doesn’t pretend the rejection didn’t matter.

It helps Logan put it in context.

​

He lets the emotion pass.
He calls a trusted friend.
He gets back up.

And he keeps building the kind of life a single setback can’t undo.

​

​​

​

​

​

Another Face of Disappointment

 

Doubt shows up in many forms for men.

Not all letdowns are professional.

Some hit closer.

​

So let’s walk through one more scenario, and apply the CLEAR method to find our way through it.

​

​

​

The Scene

 

Ruben checks the group chat again.

 

Still nothing.

 

His cousin said he’d be there.

So did a couple of old friends.

​

They made the plan weeks ago.

But now it’s the night of the event.

 

Ruben booked the spot, picked up extra food, even cleaned the apartment.

And then the texts started trickling in:

 

"Something came up. Sorry, cuz."
"Can’t make it. Raincheck?"

​

Now it’s just him.

 

Empty chairs.

Full silence.

And a feeling in his chest that’s harder to name.

 

 

 

The Claim

 

Ruben thinks:

"They don’t really care."

​

It stings more than he expected.

But is it true?

 

 

 

The Lie

​

Distortions are shaping Rueben's thoughts.

​

 

Mind-Reading

​He doesn’t know what’s going on in their lives.

He assumes bad intent. But disappointment often exaggerates.

​​

​​

Labeling

From one night, he labels the whole friendship.

But people fail each other sometimes.

That doesn’t always mean they’re fake.

​​

​​

Emotional Reasoning

​He feels ignored, so he believes he is. But feelings can be shaped by fatigue, effort, and expectations.

The claim isn’t baseless.

But it isn’t whole.

 

 

 

The Evidence

​

Let's look at the facts.

​

• His cousin usually shows up. Something might really have come up.

• One of the guys texted last week to check on him.

• Ruben’s frustration partly comes from how much he invested. That speaks to his loyalty, not someone else's malice.

​

He isn’t wrong to be hurt.
He just doesn’t need to turn it into a verdict.

 

 

 

The Alternative

​

Instead of just: "They don’t really care."

​

Ruben might think of it this way:

​

"I put effort in, and this let me down. That matters. But I don’t have to throw the whole friendship away over it."

Or:

"This night didn’t go how I hoped. But I can say something about that and still stay kind."

​

 

The Role of Reason

 

Ruben doesn’t ghost anyone.
He doesn’t post a vague jab online.

He takes time.

 

Then he texts the group:

"Hey guys, I was really looking forward to this. It was rough being here solo. Let’s talk soon."

 

It’s honest.
It’s not dramatic.
It opens the door.

 

 

 

Final Reflection

 

Disappointment is part of life.

 

But it doesn’t have to break your stride.

 

Let it teach you.
Let it humble you.
But don’t let it name you.

 

You’re still on the path.
Keep walking.

​

​

​

​