CLEARing Doubt

The Scene

 

Eli closes the tab for the job posting.

 

He'd had the application half-filled.

Résumé uploaded.

Cover letter drafted.

But something pulled him back.

Again.

 

He tells himself it's not the right time.

That maybe he should wait until things settle down.

But under all the excuses is a quieter truth he doesn't like to say out loud:

 

He's not sure he has what it takes.

 

"I probably wouldn’t get it anyway."

"They’re looking for someone better."

"Even if I got the job, I’d probably screw it up."

 

It doesn’t come with panic.

It’s not loud like fear.

But it’s paralyzing.

 

It’s doubt.

 

Let’s walk through CLEAR.

 

 

 

The Claim

 

Eli’s mind is full of hesitation.

 

But if we try to name the core belief driving it all, it might be this:

“I’m not ready. I’m not enough.”

 

That thought doesn't always sound dramatic.

Sometimes it's quiet.

Sensible.

Reasonable, even.

 

But it’s a sentence that can hold a man in place for years.

 

Let’s test it.

 

 

 

The Lie

 

That belief feels true.

But it’s shaped by fog...mental distortions that cloud what’s real.

 

 

All-or-nothing thinking

Eli assumes he has to be fully ready or not at all. But readiness is rarely perfect. No man begins a challenge with every skill already mastered. Growth happens mid-step.

 

 

Fortune-telling

He imagines rejection, failure, and regret before he’s even clicked submit. That imagined outcome becomes his reason not to try.

 

 

Labeling

He labels himself: Not good enough. Not what they want. 

These labels feel permanent. But they're judgments, not facts.

If those distortions were true, no man would ever act until the world gave him a guarantee.

And that’s not how life works.

 

 

 

The Evidence

 

Eli doesn’t feel ready.

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But is that the full story?

• He’s been slowly building his skills for months. Online courses. Practice projects. Real work experience.

• Friends and former coworkers have told him he’s sharp. Reliable. That he should aim higher.

• He wrote most of the cover letter without even looking at a template. The words came because he did have something to say.

• This isn’t his first time doubting himself, and when he’s pushed through in the past, it’s usually gone better than he expected.

 

The evidence doesn’t guarantee success.

But it strongly suggests he’s more capable than his doubt claims.

 

 

 

The Alternative

 

Instead of “I’m not ready,” a more honest view might be:

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“I don’t feel ready...but maybe that’s just because it matters to me.”

Or:

“I can grow into the role. But only if I start.”

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That’s how men move forward.

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Not with full certainty.

But with courage enough to try.

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The Role of Reason

 

Reason doesn’t pretend there’s no risk.

But it reminds you that staying stuck carries a risk too.

 

Eli takes a breath.

Reopens the tab.

Reads it again, this time without flinching.

 

He clicks submit.

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Not because he’s sure he’ll succeed.

But because he won’t let doubt be the voice that decides.

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Another Face of Doubt

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Doubt shows up in many forms for men.

Sometimes doubt doesn’t aim at your skills.

It aims at your worth.

So let’s walk through one more scenario, and apply the CLEAR method to find our way through it.

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The Scene

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Marcus has been dating her for five months.

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It’s good.

Real.

The kind of good that scares him a little.

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He’s not used to this.

Not used to being cared for this deeply.

Not used to thinking about someone else before making plans.

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It’s new ground.

 

And that’s when the thoughts come:

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"What if I can’t give her what she needs?"

"What if I’m not built for this?"

"What if I mess this up and hurt her?"

 

He hasn’t done anything wrong.

But he’s pulling back.

Avoiding calls.

Not making plans.

Saying he’s busy, even when he’s not.

 

And she can feel it.

 

Let’s work through it.

 

 

 

The Claim

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The line beneath Marcus’s spiraling thoughts:

“I’m not the kind of man who can sustain love.”

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It’s not an uncommon belief.

But is it truth? or trained fear?

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The Lie

 

Doubt twists experience into prophecy.

 

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Overgeneralizing

Marcus assumes that because he’s failed before (or seen others fail) this will end the same way. But one pattern doesn’t seal your fate.

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Emotional reasoning

Because he feels uncertain, he believes he must not be cut out for it. But emotion isn’t always aligned with fact.

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Personalization

He takes full ownership of something that hasn’t even happened. He assumes any future problem will be his fault. That’s a heavy, and distorted, burden.

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The Evidence

 

Marcus has grown.

• He listens in this relationship in a way he never did before.

• He’s learned to say what he feels...awkwardly, but honestly.

• She’s not asking for perfection. She’s asking for presence.

• She already chose him. She sees good in him. That matters.

 

The old doubts are real, but they aren’t rooted in this moment.

 

This moment is different.

 

 

 

The Alternative

 

Instead of “I’m not the kind of man who can sustain love,” he might say:

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“This is unfamiliar...but I’m willing to grow into it.”

Or:

“Love doesn’t need perfection. It needs effort, honesty, and courage.”

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That’s the truth doubt tries to hide.

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The Role of Reason

 

Marcus doesn’t ghost.

He doesn’t shut down.

 

He calls her.

Tells the truth.

That he’s scared.

That this is new.

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But that he wants it.

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He gives her a real version of himself. Not the polished version, not the version fear rehearses.

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The real one.

That’s the man she chose anyway.

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Final Reflection

 

Doubt doesn’t mean you're broken.

It means you're on the edge of something that matters.

 

You don’t need full certainty to step forward.

You just need Reason to help you walk through the fog.

 

With humility.

With strength.

With clarity.

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