CLEARing Fear

The Scene

 

Evan lies in bed, staring at the ceiling.

 

He wants to sleep, but the thought creeps in again:

Did I lock the door?

 

He already checked it once after getting in bed.

And again before that.

And one other time before that.

 

But now the doubt has returned...louder.

 

What if I missed it?

What if someone slips in while I sleep?

What if this is the time I don’t check and something actually happens?

 

His chest tightens.

His pulse climbs.

He starts imagining things going wrong.

 

He tells himself he’s just being careful.

But deep down, he knows the truth:

 

This isn’t about being cautious anymore.

It’s become a pattern.

 

Sometimes, he starts to leave for work, only to turn the car around.

Once, he even came home on his lunch break just to check.

 

And he hates it.

 

Because no matter how many times he checks, it never feels like enough.

 

 

 

The Claim

 

At first it seems like there's no real speech in Evan’s mind, just a pulse of unease that drives him back to the lock.

 

But if we slowed it down and put it into words, the core thought might sound

like this:

“If I don’t check again, I might be wrong...and something bad will happen.”

 

That’s the fear that keeps returning.

 

Not because it’s logical, but because it feels responsible.

Like the one way to avoid regret is to do something.

 

Just in case.

 

But is that belief actually justified?

 

 

 

The Lie

 

The fear feels responsible.

But it’s built on distortion.

 

Let’s clear the fog:

 

 

Catastrophizing

Evan’s mind jumps from a single unchecked lock to the worst possible outcome.

But if life worked that way, every man who ever forgot once would’ve paid the price. They don’t.

 

 

Fortune-Telling

He’s responding to a prediction, not a fact.

No intruder knows the door is unlocked.

It doesn’t make him a target.

Fear might raise the alarm, but it can’t see the future.

 

 

Emotional Reasoning

Because the fear feels strong, it seems important.

But feelings aren’t facts.

 

They rise and fall.

They don’t prove anything.

 

 

Personalization

He acts like this fear is a special signal, like he’s the one guy who can’t afford to be wrong.

 

But he’s not marked.

He’s not chosen.

And he’s not the exception.

 

 

 

The Evidence

 

Here’s what’s real:

 

Evan locked the door.

He remembers doing it.

He heard the click.

He pulled the handle.

He even got out of bed once and checked it again.

 

There was no stranger in the yard.

No noise. No sign of trouble.

 

And still...the fear surged.

But fear doesn’t mean proof.

 

He’s never had a break-in.

Never come home to a wide-open door.

He’s done this routine hundreds of times, and the lock has always held.

 

Other men lock the door once and move on.

They’re not living wildly risky lives.

 

If danger were that likely, it would’ve happened by now.

 

The truth is simple:

 

Evan has a pattern of fear.

But he doesn’t have a pattern of danger.

 

And his fear doesn’t deserve the final word.

 

 

 

The Alternative

 

The original thought was:

“If I don’t check again, something bad could happen, and it’ll be my fault.”

 

But fear isn’t foresight.

And responsibility doesn’t mean perfection.

 

A more honest, more useful thought might be:

“I already locked the door. This urge is fear talking, not a sign I missed something.”

 

Or maybe:

“Being careful is good. But this isn’t care. It’s just a habit I don’t need to follow anymore.”

 

He can feel the fear.

Let it rise.

Let it sit.

And still choose not to obey it.

 

That’s how the pattern changes.

Not by fighting the fear.

But by telling the truth and moving forward anyway.

 

 

 

The Role of Reason

 

Evan lies there, eyes open, pulse elevated.

The thought comes again: Check it one more time.

 

But now he knows what’s happening.

 

This isn’t a warning.

It’s just a script.

 

He’s seen it before.

And he’s no longer buying the story.

 

Reason reminds him:

He locked the door.

He remembers.

He is safe.

 

BUT EVEN IF something did happen...he could handle it.

That’s what the fear never says.

 

But that’s what Reason knows.

 

So this time, Evan doesn’t check.

 

He lets the fear stay un-fed.

 

And as he lies back and breathes, he reclaims the night.

And starts walking free.

 

​

 

 

For Evan, the fear showed up at the door: checking the lock again and again to feel safe.

 

But for other men, it shows up differently.

 

Sometimes it’s about what you do, because not doing it feels unsafe:

• Double- or triple-checking locks, alarms, or appliances, even when you know they’re set.

• Turning around mid-drive to go home and check something because you can’t shake the feeling.

 

But sometimes, it’s about what you don’t do, because it just feels too risky:

• Avoiding elevators or crowded places.

• Sitting near exits at restaurants or events...just in case.

• Turning down invitations because something might go wrong.

• Walking away from things you used to do, because now they just feel dangerous.

 

This kind of fear, driven by imagined danger more than real threat, is common in men, even if it doesn’t always get named.

 

So let’s look at another scenario, a different kind of fear, but the same kind of pattern.

 

And let’s walk it through the CLEAR method again.

 

 

 

Another Kind of Fear

 

Not all irrational fear looks like ritual or checking.

Sometimes, it’s fear of wide open spaces.

Or small ones.

 

 

The Scene

 

Derek grips the wheel tighter than he needs to.

 

He’s not a new driver.

But today, he’s avoiding the highway again.

He just doesn’t trust it.

 

The speed. The exits.

The sense that he can’t get out if something goes wrong.

 

His breath is shallow.

His mind spins:

What if I get stuck?

What if I panic?

What if I lose control in front of everyone?

 

So he takes the long way.

 

Again.

 

But deep down, he knows this route...this fear...has started shrinking his life.

 

 

 

The Claim

 

The fear behind the steering wheel?

“If I get on the highway, I’ll panic or crash, and I won’t be able to handle it.”

 

It sounds like a warning.

 

But is it true?

 

 

 

The Lie

 

Several distortions are working at once:

 

Catastrophizing

Derek imagines the worst...panic, collapse, disaster...and treats it like a likely outcome.

But if that were true, millions of people would crash every day just from nerves. They don’t.

 

 

Fortune-Telling

He assumes a panic will come, and that he’ll lose control.

But in the past, when he has felt fear while driving, he managed.

 

Slowed down. Took a breath. Got home.

 

The fear lied.

 

 

All-or-Nothing Thinking

He believes if he doesn’t feel totally calm, then the whole thing is a failure.

But courage isn’t about feeling no fear. It’s about choosing action in spite of it.

 

Personalization

He sees the fear as a personal weakness. But this is a common human pattern: fear of being trapped, of losing control. It doesn’t make him broken. It makes him normal.

 

 

 

The Evidence

 

• Derek has driven hundreds of times.

• He’s taken the highway before. He didn’t crash.

• Even in the moments where he felt fear, he stayed safe.

• The road is not a trap. It has exits. It has shoulders. He has control.

• Most people drive daily with no issue.

 

The highway isn’t safe or unsafe, it’s just a road.

 

The danger isn’t out there.

It’s in the false belief that fear equals fact.

 

 

 

The Alternative

 

Instead of:

“If I get on the highway, I’ll panic or crash.”

 

Try:

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“I might feel fear. That’s okay. I’ve felt it before and still made it through.”

Or:

“Avoiding this road makes my world smaller. I don’t want that. I can do hard things.”

 

That’s power.

 

That’s a man taking back the wheel. Not just of the car, but of his own mind.

 

 

 

The Role of Reason

 

Derek doesn’t have to make himself fearless.

But he does choose courage.

 

He picks a quiet time. A short drive. A clear plan.

He gets on the highway.

 

His pulse climbs, but he stays steady.

Because now he sees the fear for what it is: a voice, not a verdict.

 

And Reason is louder.

 

 

 

Final Reflection

 

Phobic fears don’t respond to logic alone.

But they can be unmasked by clarity, by Truth, and by disciplined, gentle Courage.

 

The feeling may still whisper.

But it no longer commands.

 

That’s what walking the Path looks like.

 

Even when it’s hard.

Even when fear rides with you.

You still choose the direction.

 

And you keep going forward.

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