What Another Man’s Success Tells You About What You Want

Envy sometimes tells you what you want before you’re willing to say it. Imagine a friend telling you his business now lets him take Fridays off. You congratulate him, then catch yourself thinking about the money he borrowed from his father to get started. His advantages may be real. It’s worth asking why this particular news made them come to mind.

Ask which part of his good fortune you want. Would you take the same income if it meant taking calls seven days a week? Would you take the free Fridays if nobody knew you owned a business? Would you trade the work itself, with its customers and responsibilities, for the work you already do? If you would take the free day without the title or the pay, you’ve learned that time may matter more to you than the business you first envied.

There may also be a part you want only because he has it. Suppose a different friend told you he worked four days a week at an ordinary job. Would you hear that as the same good news? If you wouldn’t, ask whose recognition you want and what you think it would prove. Some ambitions look very different once you imagine achieving them in private.

Justice gives your friend room to enjoy his achievement. Honesty gives you room to want something he has. You can hold both thoughts at once and then decide whether the thing you discovered you wanted deserves a place in your plans.