What You Owe Someone Who Keeps Asking You to Fix the Same Problem

An occasional favor can turn into an arrangement before either person has said so. Suppose you give a friend a ride to work while his car is in the shop. A week later, he texts each night to confirm the time. You thought you were agreeing one day at a time. He may have taken your repeated yes as a standing offer.

Start with your actual agreement. If you offered rides through Friday and he planned around that offer, give that reliance its due. If you agreed to Monday and Tuesday and kept saying yes one day at a time, you can say where the arrangement ends. Give him whatever notice you reasonably can. A man who’s had a ride all week may need a day to get a different one, even if you never committed to driving him indefinitely.

There may be a real reason he needs more help. If the shop is waiting on a part, you might willingly offer another two mornings. If he could arrange a carpool and has left it to you because that has been easier, you might simply tell him which day you’ll stop. Either way, say what you can offer in words he can plan around. “I can take you Thursday. You’ll need another ride Friday” tells him more than a reluctant yes followed by silence.

If he presses, hear any fact that changes the case. His disappointment by itself leaves the agreement where it was. Generosity includes taking another man’s difficulty seriously. It also asks you to be truthful about what he can count on from you.