When Nobody Expects You to Show Up

There’s a particular quiet to a Saturday when nobody would know if you stayed home. A man can spend the whole week around people he likes and still miss having somebody who expects to see him. That kind of loneliness helps explain why more conversation during the day sometimes leaves the evening feeling much the same.

Friendship needs time together in which you get to know each other personally. At work, a man might know exactly how you take your coffee and have no idea that you’d welcome a call on Sunday. You may know he’s easy to talk to and never have given him a reason to think you’d want to know him outside the job. Neither of you has done anything wrong. Your acquaintance has simply had few chances to grow beyond the place where it began.

Think of a person you already have some reason to like, or a place where you can show up regularly and do something you value. Invite the man to breakfast. Return to the same volunteer shift. Keep your word when you say you’ll be there. Over time, give the other person room to initiate and contribute too. The point is to make a real offer of company and see whether it is freely returned. A declined invitation may tell you something about his availability, his interest, or the timing. It can tell you only so much about what you have to offer.

There’s a difference between being recognized when you walk into a room and being missed when you don’t. The second takes time and depends on more than one person. You can give it a place to happen.