When Worry Feels Like Responsibility

Leaving a worry alone can feel like leaving a duty undone. Consider a job applicant who has already sent everything the employer asked for. He checks his inbox every hour. He knows that if a reply comes, it will still be there later. Waiting somehow feels careless all the same.

Worry sometimes begins with a sound judgment. This matters, and there might be something I ought to do. If you remember that you promised to send a reference and never did, the worry has drawn your attention to a real omission. Sending the reference answers it. Checking the inbox every ten minutes afterward answers a different demand. You want to know how this will turn out before anyone is in a position to tell you.

Give the matter a fair hearing. Is there information you need that you can actually get? Have you kept the commitments you made? Is there a reasonable time to follow up? If so, choose it. Tuesday may be the right time to send an email even if Sunday is the day you feel most anxious. The strength of the feeling gives you very little reason to move Tuesday forward.

You may still feel uneasy after you’ve made that judgment. If a new fact comes to light, consider whether it changes what you owe. A return of the same feeling leaves the question where you settled it. You can care how something turns out, give it what it deserves, and leave room in the day for the other things that deserve your attention too.