When You Feel Behind in Life

Behind whom, and on what measure? A man who says he’s behind in life may mean his friends own houses, his younger brother has children, or he expected to be doing different work by now. Those are three comparisons. Only one of them may concern something he actually wants.

Try stating the loss without mentioning anyone else’s age or progress. “I want a place I can stay in for years” identifies a good you can think about. Perhaps owning is important to you, or perhaps stability is what you wanted and ownership was the first way you knew to describe it. “I wish I had more time with my children” has a different kind of urgency. Their childhood really does pass. A colleague’s promotion at thirty-five gives you little reason to put that same deadline on your own career.

Sometimes the comparison exposes a decision you regret. If you spent years avoiding a responsibility you now wish you’d taken on, own that much. You can also account for the things those years were spent on. Caring for someone or learning a trade may have delayed one ambition while serving another good. A fair reckoning includes both.

Once the desire is clear, judge what is still open to you. You may decide to pursue it, mourn an opportunity that has closed, or discover that the achievement you envied would cost you a life you prefer. Any of those conclusions tells you more than a single verdict that you’re behind.