When You Want the Last Word

The wish to have the last word can survive long after the reason to keep speaking. It helps to ask what the next sentence would accomplish. That question is particularly useful when an argument has an audience and you’ve just thought of a reply that would get a laugh.

There are times when one more sentence matters. If the other person is telling people you agreed to something you never agreed to, correct the claim plainly. If he points out a real mistake, you can say he’s right and explain what you’ll do about it. In either case the sentence has a purpose you could name before speaking. Compare that with the line you’re tempted to deliver about how he always has to be right. It might get a reaction. What question would it settle?

Silence has motives too. You can walk away to make the other man feel dismissed, or you can end an exchange because you’ve said what the situation called for. If the issue still needs attention, you can arrange to take it up privately or at a time when you both have the facts. Leaving room to return is often a stronger choice than making a final pronouncement while you’re angry.

Self-control is exercised while the sharper reply still appeals to you. Ask whether your next sentence serves the truth of the matter, the person who needs to hear it, or a responsibility you actually have. If its chief appeal is the thought of him having nothing left to say, you’ve learned something about whose interests the sentence serves.