When Your Anger Has a Point

Sometimes anger has a sound basis. Suppose a coworker takes credit in front of the team for a problem you solved. If you’ve checked what was said and the account really was unfair, self-control gives you room to decide what to do about it. It gives you time to judge the wrong without having to explain it away.

What would put the wrong right? Suppose someone came to you with the same facts and asked you to put it right. You might correct the record so the people who heard the claim know who did the work. You’d probably want the man who took the credit to have a chance to account for what he said. Would you also bring up the unrelated mistake he made last month, just because you now have an audience? That move is easier to justify while you’re imagining the satisfaction of it than while you’re considering what the case deserves.

How you raise the matter depends on where the harm occurred. If the record is wrong in front of the team, a private apology may leave the harm in place. If the man spoke carelessly and is willing to correct it himself, giving him room to do so may accomplish everything you had a right to ask. If he does it repeatedly, that pattern belongs in your judgment too.

Anger can help you notice that you were willing to let something pass that deserves an answer. Once you see the wrong clearly, give it the answer you would be willing to defend after the anger has passed.