Most Men Are Trying to Solve the Wrong Problem

Consider this: when something feels wrong, most men assume the problem is external.. that "the problem is the problem."

They think it’s the situation, the pressure, the uncertainty, the other person.. or something not quite known.. but bad.. that will happen in the future. And so they focus all their effort there... with endless cycles of planning, worrying, bracing, rehearsing.

But really... that’s often not where the damage is happening at all...

The real problem is usually the particular judgment being carried about the situation.

Two men can face the same facts and have completely different experiences. One stays steady. The other feels crushed. That difference isn’t toughness or luck. It’s how the situation has been interpreted and sized internally.

Most suffering persists not because the situation is severe, but because the judgment attached to it is inflated, distorted, or treated as unquestionable.

But that doesn't mean that men suffer because they think.

They suffer because they trust the wrong conclusions.

This is why effort alone rarely fixes things. You can push harder, prepare more, and try to be stronger... but if the judgment underneath remains wrong, all that effort just reinforces the strain.

This means thinking clearly. But Clear thinking isn’t just about optimism or reassurance. It’s about accuracy and proportion. Seeing what is actually being demanded... no more, no less... and refusing to let imagined outcomes, fear, or urgency hijack interpretation.

When judgment is corrected, steadiness follows. Not because the world changes, but because the weight you were carrying was never too heavy for you in the first place.

That’s where real progress happens.