"I Should Be Better by Now"
- The Path Team
- Apr 2
- 2 min read
Updated: May 3
When the fog rolls in, you can lose track of how far you've come—and start berating yourself for not being further.
What Should Statements Look Like
Should statements happen when you impose rigid, unrealistic demands on yourself, others, or life itself.
You miss a workout and think, "I should never skip a day.
You struggle to focus and say, "I should be stronger than this.
A coworker makes a mistake and you think, "He should have known better.
Instead of accepting life as a process of growth, the mind punishes every imperfection as a moral failure.
Why the Mind Slips Into It
Idealism gone rigid. Wanting to do well is natural—but when ideals turn into hard rules, disappointment sets in fast.
Self-criticism habits. Many men internalize harsh "shoulds" early, believing they drive strength—but they often drive shame instead.
Emotional reinforcement. When frustrated or guilty, the mind doubles down on unrealistic standards.
(Many believe these patterns come from emotional learning and cultural pressures toward perfectionism. For a deeper look at where wrong thinking comes from, read [Where Does Wrong Thinking Come From].)
This connects closely to Personalization too—because when you unfairly shoulder every outcome, you naturally start setting impossible standards for yourself. For more on this, read [Taking Too Much Blame: Personalization].
Reason reminds us:
Growth is gradual.
Progress is not betrayal.
Falling short doesn’t mean failing completely.
The Hidden Price You Pay
Constant dissatisfaction. No achievement feels good enough because perfection is always just out of reach.
Crushed motivation. Unrealistic standards make effort feel hopeless or hollow.
Strained relationships. Expecting perfection from others leads to resentment, impatience, and isolation.
Guilt and shame. Every shortfall feels like a personal failure instead of a natural part of learning and growth.
When you demand that every step be perfect, you make it harder to keep moving at all.
Working Through It—What Often Helps
Many men find it helpful to check and reset their expectations when they notice "should" language creeping in:
1. Spot the Should.
Notice when your mind uses words like *should, must, have to*—especially directed inward.
2. Examine the Expectation.
Ask: "Is this helping me move forward—or just weighing me down?"
- True standards inspire better action. False ones trap you in guilt.
3. Reframe It.
Shift your thinking:
"I want to improve—and I am improving."
"Effort matters more than instant perfection."
"Falling short doesn't erase the value of trying."
4. Bring in Reason.
Step back and ask:
"Would I hold a good man to this impossible rule—or would I honor his progress?"
Reason frees you from the tyranny of unreachable demands.
Simple Practice (No Paper Needed)
When you hear a "should" or "must" in your mind today:
Pause.
Ask yourself: "Would I say this to a man I respect?"
If not, reframe it: Instead of "I should never struggle," we can say: "Struggle is the weight that builds real strength."
Treat yourself as you would treat another honorable man:
Push yourself with discipline—not shame.
Correct yourself with Reason—not condemnation.
Closing Thought
When the fog is thick, it's easy to believe you should already be somewhere further ahead.
But Reason reminds us:
A man who keeps walking—even imperfectly—goes farther than the one who stands still, cursing himself for falling short.
Honor the effort. Correct the course.
Keep moving.